Hey are you in wicked denial about eating fewer adorable, little creatures? You might just be a closet vegan.
This will be a really simplified guide on how to vegan. I have seen a lot of new vegans act like complete ignoramuses when starting out and I would like to offer a bit of assistance. I have been vegan for like 8 years now AND still have all my teeth! So let us settle down by a cozy fire and tell stories on how to vegan.
Take a B12 supplement.
Just do it. You need B12 and it really isn’t found in great supply in many vegan foods. People used to get it from fecal matter, soil, and water, as it is made by bacteria. Now we take a vitamin and get neon pee.
If anyone tries to use this as a reason why you shouldn’t be vegan, using an appeal to nature fallacy, just remember a few things:
- There is almost no food on earth that we consume without the use of modern technology.
- Therefore, using modern technology in the form of a vitamin capsule is no different then say, pasteurizing milk or using a grill to cook hamburger to kill the e-coli.
- We need technology to live, so if people say something like, “Oh, that isn’t natural”, remind them of the antibiotics that saved their life last week. Or the toilet that prevented the spread of disease. Or the water that saves them from dehydration on a daily basis that they definitely didn’t find in a local spring.
You might need a vitamin D supplement too.
Doctors seem to agree that sunlight is the best way to receive vitamin D. If you are a sun loathing hermit, you’ll probably need to get your D from a multivitamin.
Eat a balanced diet.
For the sake of all that’s holy, there are thousands of fruits, vegetables, legumes, nuts, seeds, grains, fats and leafy greens. So tell me why so many people starting out being vegan by eating like rabbits?
I had this co worker who went vegan and was mentioning to me how she had nothing but coffee and carrots over the weekend. I’m not making this up, this is a true story…
I’ve also heard people say things like, “Oh, well, I will make chicken for my husband, but I will only eat the rice for dinner.”
This is insane. When you hear these stories of people allegedly getting sick from vegan diets, I can guarantee you that this kind of behavior is to blame. They need to learn how to vegan!
You NEED to eat a balanced diet no matter who you are. So unless you are a koala, just diversify your food portfolio and you’ll be fine. Every food has a unique spectrum of nutrients, and when you eat lots of different kinds of food, your body gets all those nutrients and your teeth don’t fall out. THIS ISN’T ROCKET SCIENCE!
Make sure to eat plenty of vegetables, fruits, grains, nuts, seeds, fats, leafy greens, and legumes. That is how to vegan, sir/madam!
There is a myth about complete proteins, ignore it. If you eat a balanced diet you will get all the essential amino acids.
Don’t commit carbicide
Put down those chips… and that pasta… and that white bread… and that other bag of chips.
A lot of people go carb crazy when starting a vegan diet. I think this happens because people do not follow the advice above and aren’t getting enough fiber and fat in their diet, so they aren’t feeling satiated. AND SO… they eat carbs like it’s going out of style.
Make sure you eat tons of leafy greens and vegetables, along with fatty foods like nuts and seeds. This will help you feel more ‘full’ and help keep you away from those Lay’s potato chips. Pistachios and sunflower seeds are great ways to get fiber and fat, while the shells slow you down so you don’t gain 15 pounds in a sitting. Sometimes I’ll just munch on a bunch of spinach for snack, the fiber will really help you feel full.
You will be hungry more often
Just keep in mind that when you are first starting out, you might feel like you are empty, or missing something. This is natural and will pass in a few days, ahem, along with other things. Just remember that there isn’t a rotting carcass in your belly SLOWLY being melted by stomach acid. The truth of the matter is that meat slows down your metabolism. This means you will feel hungry more often if you don’t have the flesh of of living creature inside of you .
As a vegan you will need to change the way you eat and eat more often throughout the day. This is probably the way your body is healthiest anyway, versus eating one or two giant meals a day.
The bright side to all this is that you will feel lighter and have tons more energy! You won’t be loafing around trying to digest that cow ass with stomach acid.
Now you know how to vegan!
Well I think this covers the basics, this really isn’t a comprehensive guide. Just remember, Google is your friend. Knowledge is power. Power to the people! Right on!
This is a delicious recipe, just don’t skewer your tongue!
… no seriously.
I was having a discussion with someone online and they sent me this Anthony Bourdain quote:
“I don’t have any understanding of it. Being a vegan is a first-world phenomenon, completely self-indulgent.”
This recipe for Kale & Cabbage Salad with Avocado can inspire hope, will charm your in-laws, and woo the ghost that lives in your closet that only you can see. Read On!
This recipe for vegan eggs will be egg-cellent for breakfast … eh, I’m so sorry, that was lame.
You are probably not getting enough potassium in your diet. Find out ways to make sure you’re not one of the millions who do not meet their RDA. Read On!
I was at the grocery store just recently, trying my hardest to not look like I was shoplifting, (I wasn’t), when I noticed something.
“Hmm, a new fake chicken nugget? Doth my eyes deceive me?”
Nope. I just had to buy these. And I did. Read On!
“We patronize them for their incompleteness, for their tragic fate for having taken form so far below ourselves. And therein do we err. For the animal shall not be measured by man. In a world older and more complete than ours, they move finished and complete, gifted with the extension of the senses we have lost or never attained, living by voices we shall never hear. They are not brethren, they are not underlings: they are other nations, caught with ourselves in the net of life and time, fellow prisoners of the splendor and travail of the earth.” ~ Henry Beston
“Take away Love and our earth is a tomb”